Jokes go here - no holds barred. Easily offended by all means - look and be offended.

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    tehchopperdog

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    Jokes go here - no holds barred. Easily offended by all means - look and be offended.

    Post by tehchopperdog on Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:08 am

    Considering this is the "banter" section, I'm currently not seeing anything to do with jokes or much banter.

    So - here's a fresh thread, bring your jokes, your banter and whatever embarrassing stories that we can rip this piss out of - for funsies. Personally I'm not bothered about what you post here, just as long as its funny.

    Commence jokes below


    Last edited by tehchopperdog on Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:36 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Jokes go here - no holds barred. Easily offended by all means - look and be offended.

    Post by NorthernJordan on Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:22 am

    Good idea mate! geek


    Heres the only joke i can remember of the top of my head...


    A nurse in the mental home walks in on one of here patients to find he is rubbing his pennis between two crackers.


    The nurse says, "what the hell are you doing"


    The patient replies, "I'M FUCKING CRACKERS!!"


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    Post by tehchopperdog on Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:31 am

    I think its wise that if people are commenting on this post to detail their type of humour - just in case they get offended if these jokes become slightly darker and Frankie Boyle-ish.



    My wife came home from work crying the other day and she asked me to console her

    So I hit over the head with my xbox.
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:33 am

    haha! like it!


    Maybe edit the thread title, to add something like "those who are easily offended look away"


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    Post by Jamie on Fri Sep 09, 2011 6:31 am

    I just found this one, it is well stiff though.

    A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
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    Post by ttscshaggy on Fri Sep 09, 2011 8:39 am



    I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

    "You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

    "Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

    "Salad tastes nice."
    Laughing
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    Post by Wally on Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:08 am


    I've been banned from B&Q; I asked a bloke who works there where I could find some carpet tiles,


    he told me I needed flooring... so I twatted him



    Rolling Eyes


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    Post by Wally on Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:09 am


    What's better than winning gold at the special olympics?




    ...





    ...





    ...




    ...




    ICE CREEAAAMMM!!


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    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”
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    Post by tehchopperdog on Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:39 am

    i personally think having a working brain and normal genes would be much better



    What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

    wipe it off and apologise
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:11 am

    statics show that 1 in 5 streets there is a pedophile...


    Not my street, but there are alot of fit 8 year olds Rolling Eyes


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    Post by tehchopperdog on Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:38 am

    whats the number 1 cause of paedophilia in this country?

    sexy kids





    oh i went there.
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:54 am

    Chat up line,


    There are 256 bones in your body! Would you like another?


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    Post by Wally on Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:55 am

    Yeah, I've often wondered what it is about a beard and glasses that kids find so sexy.


    Also statistically only 1 in 10 people don't enjoy gang rape


    Whats the difference between a lambretta SX200 and a chopped up tramp? I don't have a lambretta in me freezer


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    Post by NorthernJordan on Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:12 am

    BBC News: Obama says 9/11 made US stronger.

    I imagine lifting up all that rubble by hand was an excellent work out.


    I went there :O


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    Post by Jamie on Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:25 am

    Whats Fluffy, Got Two Legs, And Is Red All Over?
















    Half A Cat
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:45 am

    The woman from next door just came round thumping on my front door, accusing me of stealing her clothes off the washing line...










    I nearly shit her pants.


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    Post by tehchopperdog on Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:57 am

    where do you find a dog with no legs?










    where you left it
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:28 am

    My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"








    I said, "Probably failing my driving test."


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    Post by Wally on Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:11 am

    How many Potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?



    - None!


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    Post by Wally on Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:23 am

    Been a bit quiet this thread, so...

    A family are driving behind a bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry Billy; that was just an insect."To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."


    Bu-Dum


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    Post by JamesD on Wed Oct 12, 2011 1:57 am


    A woman goes to see her doctor, beaten black and blue.

    Doctor: "What happened?"

    Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

    Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

    Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

    Woman: "Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

    Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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    Post by ModdyBoy on Wed Oct 12, 2011 4:29 am

    Wally wrote:
    What's better than winning gold at the special olympics?




    ...





    ...





    ...




    ...




    ICE CREEAAAMMM!!

    Heard this... I told it to my mate in Graphics and my Teacher overheard... She was not amused! Shocked
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    Post by NorthernJordan on Wed Oct 12, 2011 4:34 am

    Busted! Very Happy


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    Post by Wally on Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:19 am

    I suspected my dad had been sacked from his job as a lollypop man last week for stealing. As soon as I got in all the signs were clearly there


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    Post by Wally on Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:19 am

    Jeremy Beadle had a tiny cock... but on the other hand it was massive


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