Considering this is the "banter" section, I'm currently not seeing anything to do with jokes or much banter.

So - here's a fresh thread, bring your jokes, your banter and whatever embarrassing stories that we can rip this piss out of - for funsies. Personally I'm not bothered about what you post here, just as long as its funny.

Commence jokes below

Good idea mate!


Heres the only joke i can remember of the top of my head...


A nurse in the mental home walks in on one of here patients to find he is rubbing his pennis between two crackers.


The nurse says, "what the hell are you doing"


The patient replies, "I'M FUCKING CRACKERS!!"

I think its wise that if people are commenting on this post to detail their type of humour - just in case they get offended if these jokes become slightly darker and Frankie Boyle-ish.



My wife came home from work crying the other day and she asked me to console her

So I hit over the head with my xbox.

haha! like it!


Maybe edit the thread title, to add something like "those who are easily offended look away"

I just found this one, it is well stiff though.

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."

I've been banned from B&Q; I asked a bloke who works there where I could find some carpet tiles,


he told me I needed flooring... so I twatted him

What's better than winning gold at the special olympics?




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ICE CREEAAAMMM!!

i personally think having a working brain and normal genes would be much better



What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

wipe it off and apologise

statics show that 1 in 5 streets there is a pedophile...


Not my street, but there are alot of fit 8 year olds

whats the number 1 cause of paedophilia in this country?

sexy kids





oh i went there.

Chat up line,


There are 256 bones in your body! Would you like another?

Yeah, I've often wondered what it is about a beard and glasses that kids find so sexy.


Also statistically only 1 in 10 people don't enjoy gang rape


Whats the difference between a lambretta SX200 and a chopped up tramp? I don't have a lambretta in me freezer

BBC News: Obama says 9/11 made US stronger.

I imagine lifting up all that rubble by hand was an excellent work out.


I went there :O

Whats Fluffy, Got Two Legs, And Is Red All Over?
















Half A Cat